The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
