Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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