dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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