You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
