Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
