Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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