What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
