this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
