i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
