woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
