im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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