if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
