In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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