I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize