Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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