No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
