Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
