I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
