I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
