If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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