I think im going to throw up on grandma
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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