When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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