Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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