I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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