Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
