Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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