someone threw a dead crab at me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
