You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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