YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
