My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She told me I should be a condom model.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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