I puked a lego.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize