o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
