we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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