I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
