i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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