We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
