Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
