I don't remember. Are we still dating?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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