Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i black out too much to be "responsible"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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