Umm I'm too high to move.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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