3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That's intense
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
