I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
