Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
