so explain again why im purple
no
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
