I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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