Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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