Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
