how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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