I can text with my tongue
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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