If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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