I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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