I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
