I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
