you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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