I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
