Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
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I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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