How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
