But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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