she woke up with a sticky ear
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
