well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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