I'm going to jail i love you
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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