I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you never un-have a 4some
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
