college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
