It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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