I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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