I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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