Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
