you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
